


Here, Kitty Kitty

by museofspeed



Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: Animal Transformation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-04-08
Updated: 2008-04-08
Packaged: 2018-08-12 08:08:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7927180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/museofspeed/pseuds/museofspeed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bernard comes home to find a strange cat and an email from Tim. But why have all these superheroes started showing up in his house?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Here, Kitty Kitty

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my lovely Beta, [](http://julius12.livejournal.com/profile)[julius12](http://julius12.livejournal.com/)! Enjoy the cracky goodness!

**Title:** Here, Kitty Kitty  
**Author:** [](http://museofspeed.livejournal.com/profile)[**museofspeed**](http://museofspeed.livejournal.com/)  
**Claim:** Supporting characters  
**Characters/Pairing:** Bernard/Tim, Darla, Nightwing, Kid Flash, Superboy.  
**Rating:** PG-13.  
**Word Count:** 2900  
**[Prompt:](http://shananagin.livejournal.com/32676.html#cutid3)** [](http://wtf27.livejournal.com/profile)[**wtf27**](http://wtf27.livejournal.com/) : 2. Transformation (animals). [](http://dcu-freeforall.livejournal.com/profile)[**dcu_freeforall**](http://dcu-freeforall.livejournal.com/) : 50. skin spikes/claws/talons. [](http://au-abc.livejournal.com/profile)[**au_abc**](http://au-abc.livejournal.com/) Zoomorphs.  
**Summary:** Bernard comes home to find a strange cat and an email from Tim. But why have all these superheroes started showing up in his house?  
**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.  
**Author's Notes:** Thanks to my lovely Beta, [](http://julius12.livejournal.com/profile)[**julius12**](http://julius12.livejournal.com/)! Enjoy the cracky goodness!

  
Bernard walked into his room to find a cat sitting on his bed.

"Shoo," he said. The cat didn't budge. It had black and red and yellow and grey fur. The grey looked almost green in the low light of Bernard's room.

"Look, I can't have a cat," Bernard said. The cat looked at him and slowly looked at Bernard's computer.

Bernard followed the cat's eyes and – oh, he had an email from Tim. Getting rid of the cat could wait.

_dear bernard,_  
please take care of my cat. cant explain. just leave window open and feed him. hes very smart. dont let anyone take him if they come.  
tim  
ps if parents ask tell them im with you. 

That was odd. Tim usually used far more capitals than that. And Bernard had been to Tim's house. He didn't have a cat. And lying to his parents? It wasn't a very Timmish thing to do. And why would anyone take the cat?

_Timmy –_  
You are a very strange man, but I shall do as you ask. I think I ought to win a friendship prize or something, I'm so good to you.  
-Bernard. 

The cat purred. Bernard reached over to the bed and scratched the cat's head. "What should I call you?" he wondered.

The cat looked at him, almost as if it understood, and leaped onto Bernard's desk. It picked up Bernard's Batman action figure in its teeth.

Bernard laughed. "Batman? You don't look like a Batman." He scratched the cat's head again. "Maybe a Robin. You've got the right colors. Like the name Robin?"

The cat purred. Bernard took that as a yes.

 

 

"Bernard, where's Tim?" Darla asked.

"'Hello, Bernard, my very good friend who I am immensely attracted to, just like most of the female population of this school and a good portion of the male population as well, how are you?'" Bernard said. "Just fine, thank you for asking, Darla."

Darla rolled her eyes and gave a slight smile. "Sorry. But really, what happened to Tim?"

"Frankly? No idea. I think he's on some sort of soul searching trip. But if his parents ask, he's with me."

"Did he call you or something?"

"No, email. He wanted me to take care of his cat."

"He has a cat?"

"I know, right?" Bernard shrugged. "He's a man of mystery, our Drake."

"Still, not like him to just disappear." Darla bit her lip. "If he doesn't show up for a week, we should tell his parents."

"Maybe," Bernard said. "Hopefully he'll answer my email."

"Tell him to email me if he does," Darla said.

"Sure, Darla. Want to go out with me sometime?"

" _No._ "

He shrugged. "Thought it was worth a try."

 

 

He had another email from Tim when he arrived home.

_im serious dont let anyone take cat. this is really important. people will come for him and no matter what they say dont let them take him. i cant say more and i dont have much time just keep cat safe and away from anyone but you._

This was getting stranger and stranger.

_Drake –  
Are you sure you aren't being a mite paranoid here? He's a lovely cat to be sure, but I don't think anyone would want to steal him. Don't worry, if the catnappers show up, I will protect your kitty with my life._

_Seriously, though, are you all right? Should I call the police? Darla wants you to email her. Where are you? If this is some strange practical joke I will find some incredibly creative and painful way to destroy you.  
-Bernard_

He sent it, and Robin jumped onto his lap.

"Hey, kitty," Bernard said, stroking him. "Do you know what's up with your owner?"

The cat rubbed up against his chin. Bernard laughed and scratched Robin's chin.

"Sometimes it's almost as if you understand me," he said.

The cat gave him a knowing look.

"Though that's ridiculous of course." Bernard refreshed his email to see if Tim had written him back. He wasn't expecting anything. It had only been a few minutes. "I miss him," he said. "And I'm worried that he really is in trouble."

Robin mewed.

Bernard smiled down at him. "You are adorable," he said. "You know, I can really see why people get pets. They're easy to talk to."

Robin blinked slowly.

 

 

"So yeah, if there's anything you know, or if you've seen him or anything, and you could tell me, that'd be great."

Bernard paused on the stairs. He'd wanted a snack, but an unfamiliar voice in his house? It was too interesting to miss.

Ah. He recognized that S-shield. And that particular tenseness in his mother's jaw.

"Er, Superboy?" he said.

Superboy looked up at him. "Huh?"

"I may be able to help you, if you'll just come up to my room."

Superboy shrugged and followed him. "What's up?" he said.

"Sorry, my mother – she's got issues. With Young Justice, I mean."

"Dude, what do you mean?"

"She had a rather short career as a supervillain. Young Justice sort of defeated her, and she holds a bit of a grudge."

"She's a _supervillain?_ "

Bernard shook his head. "Not anymore. She used to be the Mighty Endowed, however."

" _Dude!_ Do you have like, pictures?"

"She's my _mother._ " Bernard pushed open the door to his room. Robin hissed and dashed under the bed.

"I know, but she's – "

"For the love of god, _please_ don't finish that thought."

"Sorry man, she's just...do you have any idea how many times – "

" _So,_ what did you want me to help you with?" Bernard said loudly.

"Right, right," Superboy said. "One of the Titans is MIA."

"Oh?" Bernard said. "I'm sorry to hear it, but I don't see why that has to do with us. Mother has pretty much reformed."

"Well, his communicator died, but Raven was able to do a sort of weird...sensey thing, that placed him in this house."

Bernard's eyebrows shot up. "A Titan? In our house? I _think_ we'd notice."

"He's pretty good at hiding. Have you heard any – " Superboy broke off abruptly and picked a picture off Bernard's dresser.

It was from a weekend in early September. Bernard, Darla and Tim had gone on a picnic in the park. Darla had taken a lot of pictures. In the picture, Bernard had an arm over Tim, who was laughing. It was a very lovely picture.

"You know _Tim?_ "

Bernard frowned, puzzled. "Yes, of course I do. He goes to my school. _You_ know Tim?"

"I – uh – "

Robin chose this moment to launch himself from under the bed to attack Superboy.

"Agh! What the _hell?_ "

"I'm sorry," Bernard said. He grabbed Robin around the waist and held him off. Robin hissed and spat.

"It's okay, man. Animals _hate_ me. There's this dog, Krypto, that I'm supposed to be taking care of, and he hates my guts."  
  
"Still, I'm sorry. I honestly wasn't expecting _that._ This is Tim's cat, actually."

"Tim doesn't have a cat."

Robin hissed. Bernard pet him soothingly.

"How do you know him, again?" Bernard asked.

"Uh, I, uh, saved his life once. And kept in touch."

"He never mentioned it. He _knows_ this stuff fascinates me. Why wouldn't he mention it?"

"Kon! Kon!" A yellow blur raced into the room, knocking Bernard onto the bed. Robin ran back under the bed. "Cyborg and Raven made this tracking thingy – oh, hi, uh, I'm Kid Flash. Sorry."

Bernard blinked up at him. "No harm done. Look, not that I'm complaining or anything, but I'm not exactly used to people in costumes parading around my bedroom."

"Sorry!" Kid Flash said. "I was just – whyisthereapictureofTim?"

"How do all of you know Tim? What is going on here?"

"Look, it's – oh, man, my super-hearing has just picked up a cry for help! We'll finish this another time. Kid Flash, c'mon!"

The two of them were out the window before Bernard could blink.

He grabbed the photograph of Tim and stared at his friend's face. "What is _with_ you, Tim?" Bernard muttered. "I always knew there was more to you than meets the eye, but I'm beginning to think I didn't grasp nearly how much to you there is."

He lay down on his bed. "What the hell do I do about this, Robin?" he said. "I think Tim's in trouble. Maybe Darla's right and I should tell his parents. Telling on one's friends to their parents is more or less the ultimate crime one can commit, but what if Tim's in trouble? I don't think I could handle anything happening to him."

Robin walked over and sat on Bernard's chest. Bernard pet him gently. The cat purred.

"I could _never_ tell anyone this if they could understand me, but I'm a little in love with him," Bernard said.

Robin stopped purring.

"Not that I could ever tell him," Bernard said. "He says he's straight."

After a moment, Robin started purring again.

Bernard scratched his head. "Sometimes I almost think you _do_ understand me. But you can't tell anyone, even if you do. You're a cat."

 

 

The next morning, Bernard woke up to find Robin sleeping in his chair and another email from Tim.

_im so sorry bernard you dont deserve this at all and i cant explain anything right now but i promise ill tell you everything in just a few days now. just keep anything from happening to robin and itll be ok. dont say anything to darla or my parents. tell them im fine but nothing else. this is really important bernard i swear im safe and doing my best to stay that way._

The cat's name really _was_ Robin? Well, Bernard had always been an intuitive guesser. Of course, it was yet another coincidence. And why couldn't he say anything to Darla? She was their friend too.

_Tim –_  
You're scaring me. Why aren't you typing as anally as you usually do? Why can't I say anything to Darla? Why were there two Titans in my room, and why did they say they know you? What the hell is going on?  
– Bernard. 

 

 

"So have you heard from Tim?" Darla asked.

"Sometimes I feel you're only using me for my friendship with Tim," Bernard said crossly.

"Maybe. But you don't mind, right?"

"Maybe a mite, but I can handle it. He said that he's fine but he's on a covert government mission so he can't talk much."

Darla rolled her eyes. "You are such a jerk, Bernard."

"So would you – "

"No, I will not date you."

 

 

Bernard woke up to the feeling of sharp claws digging into his chest.

He opened his eyes and saw a man dressed in black and blue sliding in through the open window.

"Ahh!" he shouted. "Who are you and why are you in my room?"

The man turned. "Uh, hi."

"You're Nightwing, right? Listed in _Teen Hero_ as the superhero with the sexiest ass? Am I actually sleeping and this is one of _those_ dreams?" Robin dug his claws into Bernard's chest again.

"Yes, that's me, and no, it's not a dream." Nightwing said. "And you are?"

"Bernard Dowd. The owner of the room you seem to be breaking into?"

"Ah, yes. Most people don't wake up."

"Look, I've read about you. I know you're one of the good guys. So why are you in my room? Is this about my mother – "

"No, no. Not at all. Robin's missing, and an email from his account was traced to your computer."

Bernard stared at him. "Robin."

"Yes."

"As in...Batman and?"

"That's the one."

"Sent an email from my computer."

"Yes."

"I _knew_ he existed."

"...yes."

"First the Titans, now you? Why would Robin be in my house at all?"

"I'm sure he'd have his reasons."

"Let me guess, you know Tim Drake too, right?"

"Who?"

Bernard shook his head. "He owns this cat and is friends with the Titans. Never mind. I'm just feeling like I'm in over my head and no one will tell me what's going on."

"That cat? Actually, I think I have to borrow that cat. For testing. See, Robin is allergic to cats, so if he's been in the room, the transmoglific particles will have attached themselves to the cat's fur."

Bernard stared at him. "Was that pseudo-scientific bullshit?"

"What? No!"

"Spare me. Does anyone fall for that?"

Nighting grinned. "Most people, actually. Though I think it's partly, at least, the costume. You don't seem to be particularly scared."

"I've worked hard on not finding anyone too impressive no matter who they are. Look, I'm sorry, but you can't take the cat."

"It really could be important to find Robin. We won't hurt the cat."

"He told me specifically not to let anyone take him."

"We could even return him directly to your friend. Tim Drake, you said his name was?"

"Yes, but I really can't let you take him," Bernard said, hugging Robin close. "Look, email Tim and get him to tell me it's okay and I'll do it, but I'm not going to let just anyone take this cat back."

Nightwing was silent for a moment. "So your friend directly told you not to let anyone take this cat?"

"Yes. Sorry."

"Hmm. Well, I suppose he knows best. If you see Robin, tell him I'm looking for him."

"Right, you got it," Bernard said.

Nightwing flashed him another grin and slid back out the window.

 

 

"Hey, Darla!" Bernard said.

Darla looked up. "Yes? Have you found Tim yet?"

"Honestly, couldn't you even _pretend_ you're friends with me for any reason besides that I'm friends with Tim?"

"Sorry. What's up?"

"Tonight's a full lunar eclipse, you know," Bernard said. "I was wondering if you wanted to come watch it with me."

"No, Bernard," Darla said.

"Right. Thought I'd ask." Bernard hesitated, then looked up. "It's always going to be no, isn't it?"

"Yes," Darla said. She looked a little embarrassed, at least. "Sorry."

"No...no...that's fine," Bernard said. "I guess I'll see you later."

 

 

"Just you and me, Robin," Bernard muttered. He stared out of the window at the moon with the cat on his lap. "I guess that's life, isn't it? I really wish Tim would get back. It's not that you aren't lovely, but I'll bet _he_ would have watched the eclipse with me." He glanced at his watch. "Three minutes until it's at it's peak. Perfect night for it, too."

Robin was twitchier than usual. He hadn't left Bernard's lap or anything yet, but he seemed antsy. Bernard scratched his head soothingly.

"What's up with you?" he said. "Usually it's dogs who are antsy at full moon."

He stroked Robin's fur again. The fur crackled and sparks shot out.

Bernard jerked back so hard the chair fell. He caught himself, on the floor, jarring his wrist.

Robin was covered in sparks now, and they seemed to be...eating away at him. Robin yowled and writhed, catching his claws on Bernard's shirt.

"Oh my god," Bernard said. "Tim will _kill me._ "

Robin seemed almost to split in half, and suddenly, it was over. Robin had vanished, and in his place, still on top of Bernard, sat...Robin?

Bernard screamed.

"Shut up!" Robin hissed, and he looked familiar. "Look, your mom – " he shoved a hand over Bernard's mouth. "Look, I'll...This has to be a huge shock for you, but you have to stop screaming."

Bernard nodded frantically, and Robin moved his hand.

"A huge shock's a bit of an understatement!" Bernard said. "You're...you're...you're _Robin,_ and you were a cat, and...Tim's cat...and you're...oh my god, _Tim!_ "

Robin opened his mouth. "I – "

"Bernard, honey?" Nina said. "You okay? I heard you scream."

"I'm fine, mother!" Bernard said quickly. "Nightmare!"

"You want me to come in?"

"No!" Bernard said. "I'm...naked! I'm fine, I swear."

"Well, alright," Nina said.

Bernard stared at Robin as Nina walked away. He _was_ Tim. Bernard had stared at that face enough times to know it. Plus, it was the only way for the past week to make any sense at all.

Tim smiled and pulled off his mask. "Yes, I am. I hadn't intended on you finding out, but then this sorcerer turned me into a cat. The only way to turn human again was to think a special verse under the lunar eclipse. And if anyone tried to fix me before then, the spell would seal, leaving me a cat forever. So I had to come to you, you see. I knew you wouldn't ask questions or try to fix me, and I could trust you not to let anyone else take me."

"But you...you're _Robin._ You. Timothy Drake. Robin."

"Yes, Bernard," Tim said dryly.

"Wait," Bernard said. "Could you...understand me the whole time?"

"Yes," Tim said. "I – I could." He flushed slightly.

"Oh, god," Bernard said. "I didn't mean it, you know. I was just...worried. But I'm not – "

"Bernard," Tim said. He had an infuriating smirk on.

"And even if I were, I mean, you're my friend, and I _know_ you don't feel that way, so it's all right, I'm just – "

Tim interrupted him with a kiss.

Bernard didn't respond for several seconds. Tim? Kissing him? With his cape...his _Robin_ cape, covering both of them. Oh god, if they started a relationship, would Bernard be able to handle it? The secrecy? The worry? Would he possibly be happier just breaking it off now before Tim broke his heart?

Tim started to pull away, looking worried.

"No!" Bernard said quickly. He wrapped his arms around Tim and pulled him back down. Tim smiled against him and kissed him again.

This time, Bernard responded.


End file.
